Who I am now

Me, wife, mother, daughter, sister and explorer of this beautiful and tragic thing called life.

                             

2008

I can 't believe I haven't written in so long. I think it's because I've been so overwhelmed with how much I have to say that I just didn't bother. It kind of stinks because it's been a pretty incredible year...monumental actually. Between getting married, going to Ireland on our honeymoon, supporting and watching the first black President get elected! I wish that I had documented my thoughts along the way, it would have been interesting to look back on them in the future. Oh well, I'm trying to make up for lost time now. Not that I'll get to write in detail about all of my experiences throughout the year but I'll summarize.


First, my wedding and honeymoon were absolutely perfect! I really can't think of a better word to describe how well they went. The weather was beautiful on the day of the wedding, everyone that I wanted to be their was and everyone chipped in to make it a perfect day. Tom was so handsome in his suit and he is the perfect husband, I just love him soooooooooo much! The honeymoon was unbelievable as well. First, going to Ireland was just major in it self but going there on our honeymoon made it even more special. The country is just absolutely beautiful and the people were so friendly! Now I know how all those people in those sad Irish songs feel, they long for their beautiful Innisfree, Erin! Oh how I love thee! It was an entertaining and educational experience, my favorite combination :).



Lastly, Barack Obama. What can I say, he has inspired me so much! I was never a big politics person before I started following his career. I've read both of his books and was an avid fan of his election campaign. I was glued to the TV from the point that he was nominated as the Democratic nominee up until he was elected the President of the United States! What I love about him is that he knows that in order to fix alot of the problems that we have in our country today we have to fix our infrastructure. He has alot of common sense and I can tell that no matter what happens in his presidency he will be very honest with us. I hope that I continue to be inspired by him... 2009 will certainly be an historic year.

Different But Equally Valid

This quote come from an article in a book called "The Ragged Edge: The Disability Experience from the Pages of the First Fifteen years of the Disability Rag". The "Disability Rag" which chronicled the early years of the disability rights movement. When I was reading this book I was moved to tears, anger and disgust in reading about what people with disabilities have been through for hundreds of years. It also inspired me to read about all the hero's in the movement who paved the way for the Americans with Disabilities Act. We still have a long way to go but it's good to know that there are other's out there who have fought and will continue to fight for equality in the future, and I hope to be one of those people. Anyways, I came across some amazing quotes in this book and I wanted to document them here in my blog. The first one is about diversity.

"If we've learned anything from other oppressed minorities it's that you gain nothing from efforts to assimilate into the culture that devalues you. We will never be equal if we accept token acceptance as slightly damaged AB's (Able-bodied people). Politically and psychologically our power will come from celebrating who we are as a distinct people. I'm not content being a pale version of the majority culture. I want to be a strong version of something else-different but equally valid."


I've always tried to fit in with the able-bodied people around me, mean while I was miserable. The minute that I accepted my disability for what it was and how it affects me, the easier my life suddely became. And now that I'm learning about my disability history and culture I don't feel so alone anymore. My feelings are becoming validated from others who have been in my shoes. I am different but I'm am definitely not a broken version of an able-bodied person. I am a strong version of someone with Muscular Dystrophy. I work, I travel and I contribute to my community. My muscles may be weak but my heart, mind and spirit are as stronger for it.

What is a good friend?

Is it someone who always gives you a ride to work, goes to the night club with you every weekend, calls you all the time or knows exactly what you want for your birthday? For some people they would say yes to all of these options and others might say no to all of them. All of my life I've tried to figure out what makes a good friend and I tried to be that. In a lot of respects I think that I've failed in being a good friend and in other ways I think that I have been a good friend because I really tried to be there for them because that's what I would want in a friend. People's interests and personalities change through out there lives as they become more comfortable and confident with who they are as a person. Someone who fit into there lives before one transitional point might not fit into there lives anymore they've fulfilled there purpose , so to speak. Friends come and go in our lives, so to say someone is a good friend really depends on how long you have known them and what you've been through together. Although even if you have known them for a long time people can disappoint you and make you wonder why your friends at all.

Expectations
I guess I do have expectations in friends, and people in general. Things that seem to be common courtesy to me don't seem that way to others. My mom recently told me not to expect anything from anyone cause you will always be disappointed. It's sad, but true. People are generally out for their own best interest. School, work and various other activities generally keep people occupied and thus leave little time for the ups and downs of other people's lives, even there own friends. It might sound negative, but I've been through a few experiences to know that you really need to protect yourself.

Good News
The good news is not expecting anything from people makes for a few enjoyable surprises in the end. It also makes life a little less stressful when your not hoping and expecting something to happen. Most of the time if you want something then your just going to have to ask for it.

In the End...
The people who may need a little help in the being a good friend department also might have a little growing up to do. For now I'll try my best not to expect to much from folks and try to live as stress-free as possible. Cause really people... aren't friends supposed bring happiness into our lives instead of more UN-needed stress?

Crazy 2007

2007 was a year of changes, good and bad. However, even if they were bad I tried my hardest to turn them into positives. In January I started my fellowship at ICI which I just successfully completed. The product of my hard work is a guide entitled "An Accessibility Guide to Community Technology Centers in Massachusetts " .I also worked on an accessibility brochure for UMass called "Accessibility Services for UMB Students" It was quite an experience to work on an entire guide by myself but now I know that I can do it. In the midst of my fellowship I somehow managed to graduate from college and obtain a Student Leadership Award. Before I went to CPCS I didn't know that I had a leadership skills in me. But one professor made me see that I actually did and her name is Lorna Rivera. I will always be grateful for her teaching methods which made me realize that I really am smart, I just learn differently than most people. Also, for believing in me when I didn't. Graduating from college was not an easy fete for me but it's something.

Before I graduated though, I discovered that I had diabetes :(. It was about a month before the end of the semester and I was really stressed out. I was also feeling like crap too. It got to be so bad that I ended up going to the emergency room were I told them my symptoms and they tested my blood sugar, which they found out was 530. And if you know anything about blood sugar numbers you know that is really, really bad! If I had waited any longer I probably could have slipped into a diabetic coma. Anyways they gave me some insulin, I started taking medicine and I had to change my diet big time. No more sugary products, especially not chocolate, which is my absolute fav! It was hard at first to adjust to the new diet, however once I got into the swing of things I realized that I didn't have to make drastic changes just little ones. For instance, diet soda instead of regular, splenda instead of regular sugar (and let me tell you there's a bunch of yummy products that they make now with splenda instead of regular sugar), wheat bread instead of white bread and finally I can have chocolate (and not that sugar-free crap either) I just can't eat it everyday. I also lost 20 pounds in the process so it's actually not all bad. Yeah I have to take a million different kinds of medicines and my fingers look like pin cushions now but at least I'm eating healthier.

I also went to Vermont in August with my sweetie for our 2nd anniversary. It was so beautiful and the B&B that we stayed in was so romantic. I also started planning for the wedding, picked out my gorgeous wedding dress and since we're doing an Irish themed wedding I got to find out more about my ancestry, which I will be writing about more in the future.

The very last thing we did in 2007 was move into our own apartment. I love that we have our own place now and I don't have to go up and down a million stairs either! The last couple of weeks of 2007 really reflected how crazy this year was. Between fellowships, internships, graduating, diabetes, traveling and finally moving. It's no wonder why my fiancee and I fell asleep before we even got to see the ball drop on new years eve. It was a crazy year and I think that 2008 will be filled with more crazy new things. Like starting a new job, getting married, going to Ireland on our honeymoon and hopefully getting excepted to graduate school. It's a really exciting time and I'm just happy that I get to experience all of it with my best friend and true love.

Wishing I Could Do More

During the holidays mostly everyone thinks of the less fortunate. The homeless, people in third world countries suffering from the attrocities of war. However, it's not just something I think about during the holidays, it seems to be taking up more and more of my thoughts. I tend not to watch the news because of the philosophy that the media has of "If it bleeds it leads". Shootings, gang violence, war, poverty it's enough to make a person fall into a great depression. I'm fully aware of what is going on in the world,I may not know all of the details but I like to stay somewhat up to date.However, I don't like it shoved in my face every single day because I can only feel two ways about it either sad or angry, and I don't like to feel either of those. I have a history of volunteer work,I work for a non-profit, I donate my old clothes to charity and I give money to other charities whenever I can, so it's not like I'm doing nothing. I just feel like there is so much to be done in this world and I obviously know that I can't do everything but I feel like I should be doing more.

There is just so much injustice in the world and I just feel so sad sometimes for the people who have to suffer the worst of it just because they happened to be born in a place where people just can't get along. I've experienced some hardship in my life because of my disability but I just can't imagine having to fear for your life every single day.

Hopefully someday I'll have enough money to travel to places like the Sudan and bring books and school supplies to the children or be able to donate money to charities on a regular basis instead of just a few dollars here and there which is all that I can afford now. For now though I'll stick with my work in the community and hopefully continue to help people as much as I possibly can.

Haunting

Time at this Point of the Year
by Cormac MacConnell

Time changes at this point of the year. These are Limbo days, hours, minutes, seconds. Time elasticates itself. It seems to stop. Or to move jerkily forward like an old clockwork grandfather's minute hand. Or to even run backward on a silent tick-tockery of Memory. Or to fast forward to a Christmas we may never see. Or to pulse feverishly on some frequency not related to our Time at all. Read More